Common family struggles
If you have children, the scenarios I describe below will be all too familiar. Kids have their parents over a barrel on ordinary, day-to-day issues. Often these struggles persist throughout the day, with negotiations that lead to arguments. After a while, these negative patterns begin to define all of the family’s interactions.
Raising children effectively is a pleasure, but I hear many parents talk about what hard work it is. It’s true, there will be long days and long nights throughout the years, but overall, it doesn’t have to be that hard. You can find a groove in parenting that I call the “sweet spot” when you establish a rhythm of leading with your children that is effective, reliable, and respectful. Get in this sweet spot with them and you will see what I mean. You won’t be working nearly as hard, your children will flourish, and you will reap the joy of having them in your life. Let me help you understand what has gone wrong and provide strategies to correct these troublesome behaviors.
Let’s take a look inside homes across America
It is morning, midweek on a school day, and…
Tommy is relentless in his insistence that he wants to wear shorts, even though it is 45 degrees out, and runs away and hides when his mother brings out a pair of pants.
Sarah is sitting in front of the television and has no motivation whatsoever to get herself ready for school. Her mother has even brought her clothes down to the family room for her to get dressed, but she is moving like molasses.
At breakfast…
Ben continues in a pattern of refusing to eat his meals at the table. He wants to be served in front of the TV and insists on his blue plate, red cup, and spoon with the Batman handle or he won’t eat.
Lauren is beside herself because her brother has eaten the last of the Fruit Loops cereal. She is accusing her mother of not being fair and always letter her brother get his way.
In the car on the way to school…
Jack refuses to get in his car seat. Finally, after his father wrestles him in, he keeps unbuckling the seat belt and settles down only when his father promises to play his favorite song over and over on the way to school.
David is having a tantrum in the backseat because his mother has told him she does not have time to stop for a doughnut. He is yelling, “but I’m starving; I want a doughnut!” When his mother continues to say that she just can’t stop, he begins to kick the back of her seat and wail even louder.
Once at school…
Lilly’s bottom lip begins to tremble, and she becomes teary because she does not want to leave her mother. She is worried something bad will happen or that her mother wont come back for her.
At school, Joey’s teacher tells his mother how much she enjoys having Joey in class and what a well-mannered child he is. Joey’s mother drives away feeling relieved but also annoying, because Joey is so good at school, but such a handful at home.
After school…
James immediately wants to being playing video games, and the rest of the afternoon and evening consists of arguments and negotiations about how much time can be spent playing video games and watching television.
Ian wants his mother to be right by his side as he does his homework. He gets stuck easily and looks to his mother for help. But when his mother does make suggestions, he whines and always has a reason why her ideas are no good.
It’s dinnertime and…
Andrew keeps interrupting when others are talking. He likes to be the director of the conversation and pouts if his parents ask him to give his brother and sister a chance to tell about their day. He routinely complains about the menu and refuses to eat unless his mother makes him one of his favorite foods.
Michael won’t sit properly on his chair; he prefers to eat while sitting sideways. He has a bad habit of using his fingers more than he uses his fork. His parents find it trying to eat meals with him, and more often than not, someone starts yelling at the table and Michael ends up crying before the meal ends.
It’s bedtime…
It’s the end of the day and time for the children to go to bed. Parents take a deep breath because they are weary from a long day, but they know that bedtime is often the most frustrating event of all…
Bradley fights taking a bath, argues about which pajamas he will wear, can’t decide what book he wants his father to read, and then insists that his father not be the one to read it to him - it has to be his mother (who is putting the baby to bed). He then wants a nightlight, drinks of water, a song, and after being tucked in yells out that he has to go to the bathroom.
Emily wants her mother to lie down with her before she falls asleep. This usually takes anywhere from twenty minutes to a half hour. Forget sneaking out; the minute her mother moves a muscle, Emily is wide awake, protesting, “Where are you going? You have to stay with me!” More often than not, Emily’s mother winds up falling asleep in her daughter’s bed.
Finally, it is time to relax, and you are desperate for some quiet. You take an aspirin, put on your pajamas, ad crawl into bed with a book, when… in comes Kelly, clutching her blanket, tears in her eyes, begging to sleep with Mom in her bed tonight.
The very common childish behaviors I’ve just described are played out with alarming regularity in homes across the country. For some, the issues escalate and take on an even more serious quality. They represent a wide array of issues and vary in their severity, but they actually stem from the same root cause and share a central dynamic. There’s a key to these troubles, and once you get at the root, they melt away. When you learn the keys to parental leadership, kids get better - fast. Let me help you learn the keys!